Wow, the blogging novelty appears to have worn off for me! Truthfully I have been having difficulty concentrating on much of anything lately.

These are some of the things that have been distracting me – the recent diagnosis as diabetic (and all the extra self-care this has required); the slow build-up to an eventual federal election; getting to know my new laptop computer (I still tend to do most of my writing at the more familiar desktop); juggling my finances to prepare for a rail and bus tour of the maritime provinces in September; occasional note-taking, with hopes that something will spur some energy, for my memoirs; a coffee table laden with books and magazines I want to read; photography outings with my new digital camera.

I saw my HIV specialist this week to follow up on my diabetes and efforts to get it under control. He says the long-term effects of my HIV medications are to blame. It is now ten years, more or less, since these medications began to be made available. There is no doubt they have extended my life but, with time-limited testing, it is clear that the lab mice had not been followed long enough to anticipate the need to take a handful of pills just to counteract the other handful of HIV-busters.

There is one more potential combination that I could turn to with far fewer pills, and the probability of fewer side effects, but there is no guarantee that the combination would keep my viral load down – opening up the possibility of developing resistance to some of the drugs I might have wanted to try again, i.e. the ones I am taking now.

It is overly simplistic to say that, having been snatched from near-certain death eleven or twelve years ago, it would be easier to accept now. So much has changed. I have been getting used to the idea that my death sentence is not nearly as imminent as it once was. Writing my memoirs, and perhaps recognizing this is what I need to dig in, is a more important project than ever.

Maybe it comes down to choosing my poison – dying of AIDS, brought on by an ineffective treatment change, or dying of complications of the medications that have kept AIDS-related illnesses at bay.

For now I will continue to give life with diabetes a try.

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